jackiie_o

jackiie_o @ 2005-04-17T13:18:00

2005-04-17T17:18:37Z

NEW LIVEJOURNAL~~~~~ o_So_neceSsary

jackiie_o @ 2005-03-01T18:30:00

2005-03-01T23:35:53Z

Heii ErbOdii.. welp iit`sz been a whiile siince ii actually tOOk the tiime tO wriite iin here, but nOthiinq much hasz been qOiinq On.. ii am talkiinq tO sOme quysz .nd qettiinq an iidea as tO what exacly ii want iin liife .nd Out Of quysz... iim nOt sure ii even want a relatiiOnshiip riite nOw.. ii mean quysz are diicksz... but then aqaiin ii knOw hOw tO plaii dat qame tOO sO whateva... ii am str8 chiilliinq riite nOw.. ii dOn`t need tO stresz maself Out Ova nO niiqqahsz. ii went thrOuqh enOuqh wiith qerald tO be On stupiid shiit aqaiin.. but yeah. tOdaii ii tOOk fcat.. iit wasz str8 cause ii slept thrOuqh the whOle thiinq .nd ii quessed everythiinq.. fOr sOme reasOn ii thiink that by my seniiOr year, iim nOt qOiinq tO be here iin miiamii.. ii dOn`t knOw.. iim thiinkiinq chiicaqO.. tiime wiill tell.. but whatever... that`sz all ii qOt tO saii fOr tOdaii... buh bye erbOdii!! lOve yah! jackiie-O

jackiie_o @ 2005-02-18T11:59:00

2005-02-18T17:10:15Z

Heii everiibOdy.. well nOt tOO much iis up iin mii liife... ii am back at square One... ii am stiill siinqle but nOw ii am nOt talkiinq tO anyOne. maybe iit`s fOr the best... maybe iit`s nOt.. ii just qOt tO waiit and see what happens.. ii was qiiviinq ashley adviice On hOw she needs tO lOve herself befOre she can expect sOmeOne else tO lOve her Or even liike her.. and ii thiink ii need tO take my Own adviice... as much as ii deny iit.. ii am nOt happy wiith myself & the way ii lOOk... ii dOn`t lOve myself as much as ii shOuld.. ii mean yeah ii act cOnceiited but that`s my cOver up.. ii dOn`t really liike shOwiinq peOple hOw ii feel... ii hate iit.. ii`ve been really Open these past few mOnths and ii hate iit.. ii thiink iim just qOiinq tO have tO qO back tO beiinq a priivate persOn... that`s prOlly the best that ii can dO.. well.. ii dOn`t knOw what tO say.. iim thiinkiinq abOut haviinq a 16z but iim debatiinq as tO what ii really want... ii dOn`t knOw iim just madd cOnfused.. iima qO nOw.

ll l o v e ll

Jackiie-O

jackiie_o @ 2005-01-29T16:57:00

2005-01-29T22:14:58Z

Dear Journal,

I don't know how the script flipped... from everything being all good to turning into a fucking Hell. The guy I liked so much is evidently mad at me because of something that happened in my past... this is not fair... why does this bullshit always have to happen to me?? One moment im happy and the next everything goes haywire... My Mom is not doing well either.. she is going back to her "mental stage." My sister has been crying a lot lately... she never cries... something is definantly wrong... I thought coming to Miami was going to be a good thing... a brand new start... but it's obviously not... everything is going bad.. pupa is getting worse and worse by the day.. and now that my Mom is actually defending us.. he is getting worse and treating her bad. Alll this sadness is not just produced by one insident.. its all the things that are constantly pilling up. The fact that I can't hold a relationship for over a week... the fact that everytime I get hurt.. I think about Gerald.. the fucker who brought me into all this mess.

Here's the story from the beginning..

Ever since I was little I was ugly and Flat!! I was soo ugly and nobody liked me, people would sing mean songs about me and make me feel soo bad.. words cant describe how bad I felt.. Then I met Gerald freshman year... he spoke to me soo nicely and I feel for his bullshit.. he took away my innocence and my self-respect... or at least that's how I felt.. Little by little I began to feel stronger, and I better about myself. I started fighting back and not letting Gerald abuse me.. I put a stop to all that shit... and I came here.. I will not deny it... I still felt so much love for gerald.. but it was not real love.. because you can never LOVE someone who does mean things to you.. and makes you do things you don't wish to do...That Is NOT Love... So I came here and had 2 boyfriends... nothing major happened but I was not happy. Finally I meet a guy I really start to like but he cant accept the things that happened in my past... the fact that im not "pure" makes him have second thought's about me.. and I don't want that to happen... I dont want to loose a guy that may be good for me just because of something that happened once... I am still a virgin so i dont get it.. but watever.. if he wants nothing to do with me then i guess life goes on.. he he missing out on a great girl.. because I am not a whore.. this happened a year ago... whatever... I know in my heart that I didnt give my self to gerald... i did some of the things I did because I had soo much fear... fear of him,. and fear of being alone... but everything has changed... I dont know how to explain... but I have to go.. I have to take care of the Love of my Life.....

My Mom.

jackiie_o @ 2005-01-27T19:04:00

2005-01-28T00:12:24Z

Hey Everyone... Well It Feels like a while since I have wrote in here.. A lot of things are happening and I must say... I don't complain one bit... I am having so much fun now... Vane and I have gotten a lot closer... she is like my best friend.. We talked on the phone and I had so much fun.. Gosh I love Her <3 Anyway... Melissa introduced me to her friend Lazaro and I thought he was cute.. but he doesnt seem to be on girl mode.. I mean yeah he asked for my number and we talk online but I guess that's not going to work out.. But whatever.. I like someone else now!!! I am not going to say any names yet because I just don't want everyone all up in my business. I am finally starting to realize how stupid I was for liking most of the guys I have liked in the past.. this guy is awsome... I havent been talking to him for very long.. but he makes me laugh and he is awsome.. usually I get sick of guys quick, but everything is going well so far... well that's about it I got to fill out some medical forms.. buh bye everyone!!! WISH ME LUCK!!!

Jackiie-0